Mo’ Babies Please

Much like the one word advice the young Benjamin Braddock receives in the film The Graduate, the most important advice of our time comes down to one word, and it’s not plastics, but it does begin with a “P.” And that word is procreate.

That’s right, we’re counting on Millenials to produce lots of kids. Lots and lots. Population growth means new entrants to labor force, but more importantly, they create demand….for clothes, cars, homes and gobs of consumer goods. And growing demand means an expanding labor force. You do see where this is going, yes? New jobs are good for the economy, most certainly. But new jobs means more folks paying social security taxes and that means baby boomers can collect their social security checks.

If you want continuing support in your twilight years, you need to be cheering on these millenials to have more babies. Perhaps we should volunteer to baby sit their existing broods while they go out for date nights. Maybe we can sign them up (anonymously, of course) for porn pay-per-view. We can lobby for higher tax credits for dependent children. Whatever it takes, we need to get these millenials in the mood for love.

There was a time in our history as a nation, when families were much larger than the nuclear family average of 2.5 children (don’t get me started on the .5 kid). Large families meant free labor on the farm, with every child helping to raise crops and livestock. Think of all the advantages of returning to this family model. The home building industry would benefit from new demand for 6 or 7 bedroom houses. Automakers would retool for 10-passenger vans and station wagons. The garment industry could literally begin to offer shirts, pants and dresses that are cheaper by the dozen. We would need bigger schools and more teachers.

Stop me now if you can’t see the upside of this new baby boom. The only loser in this new paradigm might be makers of birth control products. So my advice to you is start right now, today, to encourage the millenials in your family or social circle to get cracking on making those babies. Our whole future could depend on the actions we take today.

Two, four, six, eight, who do we want to procreate!

Jay Harrison is a graphic designer and writer whose work can be seen at DesignConcept and at BoomSpeak. He's written a mystery novel, which therefore makes him a pre-published author.

Star Crossed Trends?

Baby boomers are frequenting restaurants in greater numbers than other population segments. At the same time, their suicide rate has also jumped (and I know that may not be the best choice of words in this instance). Coincidence? I don’t think so.

Let’s look at the numbers. According to the NPD Group study, baby boomers have increased their share of restaurant traffic by six percentage points since 2008 and Millennials have decreased their share of traffic by six percentage points. Okay, big deal. So we like to eat out and we’ve got the bucks to pay for it. But if you look at the CDC study of suicide rates in this country, from 1999 to 2010, it rose 30 percent for Americans ages 35 to 64. The sharpest rise was among men in their 50s – a 50 percent increase. For women ages 60 to 64, the rate increased 60 percent.

I’m no statistician (still have trouble with 8 x 9=72), but I see a clear correlation between eating and offing oneself. Face it. If you’re repeatedly going to Denny’s and eating something with Slam in the name, eventually you have to return home and deal with the shame of having absolutely no self-control (or for that matter, any regard for your heart health). What choice do you have? Of course you’re going to want to kill yourself – it’s the only way to stop the cycle of overeating.

Wait. There must be a better way. Oh, right. You can STOP eating out all the time and prepare some healthy meals at home. While you’re at it, you can have some quality time with your spouse and family. You know, the people who love you (hopefully) and don’t want you to end up dead because of your poor eating habits.

The folks at the CDC have a slightly more nuanced analysis of why boomers are committing suicide in greater numbers. They chalk it up to baconalia the stress of the economic downturn and the depressing outlook for boomers who had hoped to enjoy their golden years (albeit with a lot less gold than they thought). The other factor is that it’s a lot easier to kill yourself now that it was a decade ago. More drugs and poisonous substances have reduced the rate of difficulty. It’s progress, but not exactly the kind you want.

So I stand corrected. I would have gone with repeated meals at Denny’s as the root cause for suicidal thoughts and actions, but I bow to the experts. Just remember, what doesn’t kill you, makes you stronger.

Jay Harrison is a graphic designer and writer whose work can be seen at DesignConcept and at BoomSpeak. He's written a mystery novel, which therefore makes him a pre-published author.

The 65+ Club

Remember when you thought age 65 is when the fun begins? Well, maybe fun is the wrong word. Remember when most baby boomers thought age 65 is when they would retire? Seems like it was just yesterday but it was more like 10 or 15 years ago.

Things have changed (thanks to Bob Dylan for that line). And the more things change, the more we all need to adapt. We’re living longer for starters, and that makes it less practical to stop working at age 65. If we’re going to live well into our nineties we need to keep working to pay for that extra time. Plus, all the research indicates that the longer we stay mentally and physically engaged, the healthier we’ll be in both mind and body.

Whether it’s because we can’t afford to retire or we just want to stay engaged with our work, it has become an accepted fact that age 65 is no longer the cutoff point. Baby boomers seem to have readily adjusted to this fact of life, but what about the rest of society?

Employers are recognizing the advantages and disadvantages of older workers. We have experience but maybe are not as open to new ideas and methods. You don’t have to pay as much, but our healthcare costs are higher. Working for younger managers can older be challenging, but boomers are proving resilient when it comes to keeping up with technology and adapting to new ideas. Boomers are less about reaching the top of the heap and more about contributing something useful to the team, and that’s a good thing for any organization.

In the end, I think baby boomers will just be grateful if they can continue to be paid a decent wage for being a productive worker who still has skills and experience that are valued by their employers. We’re all going to have to make adjustments to accommodate the changes brought on by longer lifespans. Someday, today’s 30 and 40-year old managers will be facing the same issue. By that time, it may be common for people to live into their one-hundreds, and the accepted age for retirement might be 75. What goes around, comes around, so my advice to younger managers is be kind to your boomer employees, and one day some young boss will be kind to you.

Jay Harrison is a graphic designer and writer whose work can be seen at DesignConcept and at BoomSpeak. He's written a mystery novel, which therefore makes him a pre-published author.

Brothers On the Rock

It doesn’t take much logic to see why the natives have fondly given Newfoundland the nickname “The Rock.” Everywhere you turn, there are rocky promontories that tourists have come to see. Fog-bound ships – not so much. Plenty of vessels have been dashed to pieces at the foot of these massive precipices, but the brothers were not there to look at shipwrecks. We were in Newfoundland to hike and photograph the splendid landscapes that abound there. And to bond – whatever that might mean.

Growing up, we shared a bedroom for close to 15 years, but it had been a long time since we shared any space with that kind of confined proximity. As in maybe 50 years. On "The Rock," we were going to be sharing hotel rooms and rental homes in the outport villages where we would be with each other 24/7. I’m fairly certain that we each predicted that it would be a great trip if we didn’t kill each other.

I can only guess what my brother learned from the trip, but traveling with him for 14 days confirmed many things that I already knew. He will eat anything, particularly if it’s exotic. Cod tongue salad? Bring it on! (I ate one. It tasted like cod fish, but slimier). He can be relatively quiet, almost silent, for some long stretches and then just as suddenly get very talkative (As opposed to my ability to fill time and space with continuing monologues if necessary). His travel motto may be “more is better” or “two of everything is better than one” and his giant suitcase was proof of that. I thought he was crazy to check his gigantic bag and he thought I was nuts to have only one carry-on (I have not checked a bag since my honeymoon, 26 years ago). This difference in baggage philosophy might be about the widest gulf between us. I will say that he never lacked for gadgetry. Two sets of hiking poles, two binoculars, a suitcase just for camera and lenses, iPad, cell phones….he may have had a fax machine in there, I can’t rule it out.

What did I learn about him that I didn’t know? He snores. Loud enough to keep me awake on some occasions. He says that when I sleep, I make a noise like a death rattle. I claim it’s a form of tantric meditation. We’ll call that a draw. I also learned that our mutual interest in hiking and photography gives us a lot more in the compatibles column than in the incompatibles column.

I’ll give him the last word (other than to say that I would join him again if he invited me):

"It was a fun trip and no one got killed. You can’t ask for more."

Jay Harrison is a graphic designer and writer whose work can be seen at DesignConcept and at BoomSpeak. He's written a mystery novel, which therefore makes him a pre-published author.

It’s Sleepy Time

How did you sleep? How many of your days begin with that question? And why does our worldview now depend upon how well we slept?

Seems like the older we get, the more illusive a good night’s rest has become. Does it help to know you’re not alone? Not so much.

The experts say that each of us has a “sleep architecture,” and that as we age, this architecture begins to change. For one thing, we spend less time in deep non-REM sleep and our circadian rhythm starts shifting earlier (no one knows why). Depression, restless leg syndrome, sleep apnea, menopause – there are loads of additional reasons for sleep disorders to affect baby boomers.

Whether it’s trouble falling asleep or staying asleep, boomers are finding that what used to come easily is now a struggle. Should we go to bed later, read longer, not drink coffee, drink warm milk, get out of bed when sleep doesn’t come easily…..all good questions and nobody has the answers. The recipe for a good nights rest is different for everyone – I get that. So, for now, we rise early (so that’s empty what the world looks like at 5 am) and try to go back to sleep, or we get up and start surfing the Internet (you got a better idea of what to do at that hour?). Start trying to remember who you went to grade school or high school with and then look them on Facebook. That can kill at least an hour. Try reading a classic book that you’ve never finished (or truth be told, never even cracked open). Moby Dick or Silas Marner anyone?

To put this all in perspective, it’s said that a healthy 70 year-old may wake up as many as four times a night without it being due to disease or any of the other aforementioned causes. Maybe on one of those wake-ups you could clean the bathroom or change the Brita water filter. There are plenty of distasteful chores you can do in the middle of the night that you may not even remember you did by morning.

The good news (the silver tsunami lining, if you will) is that you ARE waking up in the morning. You may think you have a sleep disorder, but not waking up (as in DEAD), that’s a real problem!

Jay Harrison is a graphic designer and writer whose work can be seen at DesignConcept and at BoomSpeak. He's written a mystery novel, which therefore makes him a pre-published author. 2KS8Q3D9E3E5

How’s That Again?

We all have our favorite misheard lyrics – there are even websites devoted to cataloging them. This site takes its name from one of the most often repeated “misheards” --- “scuse me while I kiss this guy” is from Purple Haze and most of us know that the Jimi Hendrix was singing “kiss the sky.”

I’ve always been fond of hearing small children recite the pledge of allegiance (you do remember when we actually did that in grade school?). Especially the part where they say, “and to the republic, for Richard Stands.”

Or the Beatles “girl with colitis goes by” rather than “girl with kaleidoscope eyes.” If you remember Iron Butterfly’s totemic song, In-A-Gadda Da Vida, you may also recall that the first time you heard it played, it sounded like “In a glob of Velveeta, honey.” And some of us thought Elton John was singing “hold me closer, Tony Danza,” which may have made sense if Danza was gay, but “tiny dancer” won out on that one.

The lyrics that forever remain a mystery to me are from Steve Miller’s The Joker, recorded in 1973. Clearly, I’m not alone, because there’s even a movie titled with the same lyric and it revolves around four guys trying to figure out what the hell Steve Miller was talking about. To refresh your memory, the song starts out with this four-line opening:

Some people call me the space cowboy yeah

Some call me the gangster of love

Some people call me Maurice

Cause' I speak of the pompatus of love

The sheet music declares that it’s “pompitous,” the liner notes indicate that it’s “pompatus,” and there’s a contingent that believes the word is “puppetudes.” The characters in the movie try out “prophetess, profitless, impotence, pompous ass,” among others, but give up trying to find the one true answer.

And that’s the right thing to do. When a song’s lyrics contain a neologism that confounds so many people, perhaps it has fulfilled its mission. We play it over and over, desperate to make sense of it all, but finally just give in to the pleasure of hearing the words. I’m no song writer (trust me on that one), but if I wrote a song that mystified everyone for decades, I would be a very happy camper.

Jay Harrison is a graphic designer and writer whose work can be seen at DesignConcept and at BoomSpeak. He's written a mystery novel, which therefore makes him a pre-published author.

Here’s Looking at You Kid

Someone called me a whiz kid the other day, because I knew how to record a voice memo on an iPhone. He’s a few years older than me, but it got me thinking that if I qualify as a kid, maybe it was time to start to giving the “Kid” moniker to anyone younger than me.

The server at the Indian restaurant will be Kid Curry, the UPS driver will be Kid Brown, which means the other delivery guy will be Kid Fed. My coffee will be expertly brewed by Kid Barista and I’ll purchase my jeans from Kid Levi. Movie tickets will be purchased from Kid Flic and burgers from Kid Mac. Kid Firestone will rotate my tires and Kid Kroger will bag my groceries. Kid Cable will keep my internets going and with any luck, I’ll never have to watch any of the shameless shenanigans of Kid Kardashian.

When you’re a kid, you don’t want be be called kid. As in, “Scram kid.” Or W. C. Field’s line, “Go away kid, ya bother me.” And being someone’s kid brother or kid sister isn’t exactly the description a young person wishes to be called.

But attitudes change and the years have mellowed my opinion about being “the kid.” Being the youngest carries no stigma anymore. On the contrary, when you put a bunch of boomers in a room, it’s quite the honor to be considered the kid.

It’s a storied tradition when you think about it. The Cisco Kid, Billy the Kid, Kid Shane, Karate Kid, Cudi the Kid, Kaitou Kid, Heartbreak Kid, Ringo Kid, Rawhide Kid, Two-Gun Kid, Kid Rock, Kid Kaplan, and who could forget the Sundance Kid. In the movie Casablanca, Rick toasts Ilsa with “Here’s looking at you kid.” That line is one of moviedom’s most famous.

A kid is young. A kid can get away with stuff. A kid has a certain joi de vivre, and who doesn’t want that? Yes, I like this “kid” thing. I like being called kid, and I think I’m really going to enjoy calling younger people “kid.”

It’s a lot better than whippersnapper.

Jay Harrison is a graphic designer and writer whose work can be seen at DesignConcept and at BoomSpeak. He's written a mystery novel, which therefore makes him a pre-published author.