Star Crossed Trends?

Baby boomers are frequenting restaurants in greater numbers than other population segments. At the same time, their suicide rate has also jumped (and I know that may not be the best choice of words in this instance). Coincidence? I don’t think so.

Let’s look at the numbers. According to the NPD Group study, baby boomers have increased their share of restaurant traffic by six percentage points since 2008 and Millennials have decreased their share of traffic by six percentage points. Okay, big deal. So we like to eat out and we’ve got the bucks to pay for it. But if you look at the CDC study of suicide rates in this country, from 1999 to 2010, it rose 30 percent for Americans ages 35 to 64. The sharpest rise was among men in their 50s – a 50 percent increase. For women ages 60 to 64, the rate increased 60 percent.

I’m no statistician (still have trouble with 8 x 9=72), but I see a clear correlation between eating and offing oneself. Face it. If you’re repeatedly going to Denny’s and eating something with Slam in the name, eventually you have to return home and deal with the shame of having absolutely no self-control (or for that matter, any regard for your heart health). What choice do you have? Of course you’re going to want to kill yourself – it’s the only way to stop the cycle of overeating.

Wait. There must be a better way. Oh, right. You can STOP eating out all the time and prepare some healthy meals at home. While you’re at it, you can have some quality time with your spouse and family. You know, the people who love you (hopefully) and don’t want you to end up dead because of your poor eating habits.

The folks at the CDC have a slightly more nuanced analysis of why boomers are committing suicide in greater numbers. They chalk it up to baconalia the stress of the economic downturn and the depressing outlook for boomers who had hoped to enjoy their golden years (albeit with a lot less gold than they thought). The other factor is that it’s a lot easier to kill yourself now that it was a decade ago. More drugs and poisonous substances have reduced the rate of difficulty. It’s progress, but not exactly the kind you want.

So I stand corrected. I would have gone with repeated meals at Denny’s as the root cause for suicidal thoughts and actions, but I bow to the experts. Just remember, what doesn’t kill you, makes you stronger.

Jay Harrison is a graphic designer and writer whose work can be seen at DesignConcept and at BoomSpeak. He's written a mystery novel, which therefore makes him a pre-published author.

So Long Twinkie Defense

By now, it’s clear to everyone that Twinkies are not coming back. Not unless some Chinese entrepreneur takes up the cause, and that may not be as ridiculous as it sounds. You read that here first.

You can blame baby boomers for the popularity of Twinkies, Hostess Cupcakes, Snoballs, Devil Dogs, and Ring Dings, but remember that it was another generation baking up all these goodies and our parents who obliged us by buying them. They let us gorge ourselves on sweet treats that had absolutely no nutritional value and helped us on our way to becoming sugar junkies.

To be fair, they had about as much information about the dangers of so much sugar as they did about the danger of cigarette smoking. But let’s be reasonable – how could inhaling tar and nicotine be any good for you? Or consuming tons of sugar without a protein in sight?

We got smarter, and by we, I mean baby boomers. We demanded better foods and helped to advance the natural/organic food movement. Baby boomers helped to grow the exercise industry along with health clubs, work-outs, and the yoga and pilates movements. In short, we got off our asses (most of us anyway) and demanded a healthier diet that eliminated most of the sugar content that made up the diet of our early childhood.

Boomers started raising their own children and teaching them that “you are what you eat.” It was like Mother Earth redux. Much of the back to the farm movement is populated

by boomer offspring who were educated early in life about the value of knowing where your food comes from and who is growing it. The Community Supported Agriculture (CSA) is clearly a movement that can be traced back to baby boomer interest in eating healthier and smarter.

As a result, the children of Millennials are most likely going to be denied the chance to eat a Twinkie or some other sugar-loaded snack treat. These kids are going to grow up eating healthy food and maybe reversing the upward spiral of obesity that this nation has fostered.

So if you want to blame boomers for denying the next generations the guilty pleasures that we had, go ahead. We can accept the blame for that as long as you give us the credit for getting everyone to eat healthier.

And now some crazy person won’t murder someone and try to get off using the Twinkie defense, so there’s that!

Jay Harrison is a graphic designer and writer whose work can be seen at DesignConcept and at BoomSpeak. He's written a mystery novel, which therefore makes him a pre-published author.