Leftover Hippies

Saw the term “leftover hippies” used in a news item about communities where boomers are retiring, and it made me wonder how they meant that to be taken. Was it someone who wore bellbottoms and smoked dope in the 60s but now that they don’t dress that way (or smoke anything illegal) they still like to think their ideals haven’t changed? Or was it someone’s lament that they are the last of the leftover hippies – an example of a vanishing breed?

It was spoken by a ready-to-retire baby boomer referring to herself, so I’m going to guess that she is someone who believes in the same ideals that hippies represented almost 50 years ago.

Leftover hippies and baby boomers are not mutually exclusive, but for some people it seems convenient to keep the culture war going. A certain radio showhost uses the term in a most derogatory manner, but is that any way to talk about people who just wanted to “give peace a chance.” Is that so wrong, as Harvey Fierstein would say. Hippies were supposed to defy the establishment, but once you’ve co-opted that establishment, you become part of it. Then what?

Can you tell just by looking if someone is a leftover hippie? For women, would it be longhair parted in the middle and going braless? For men, is it the pony tail in the back, all bald on top?

From music and politics to fashion and art, hippies had an extraordinary impact on our culture. If you need your memory jogged, how about The Summer of Love. Woodstock. The Grateful Dead. Tie-Dye. Psychedelics. Teach-ins. The Whole Earth Catalog. Communes. Ben & Jerry’s. Okay -- even Renaissance Festivals!
Jay Harrison is a graphic designer and writer whose work can be seen at DesignConcept and at BoomSpeak. He's written a mystery novel, which therefore makes him a pre-published author.

You Know You’re A Geezer When…

It’s funny (or sad, depending on your viewpoint) how many occasions crop up when you find yourself thinking that you have entered geezerdom. I’m not talking about forgetting why you got up from the sofa to go into the kitchen, or not being able to think of the right word to express a particular thought. I’m talking about official acts of geezerness.

A good example was my recent experience at the car dealer. I was taking wife’s car in for an oil change after a night when the cat woke me up twice screaming for food. Add to that the fact that most mornings I get up at 5:15 a.m. to go brisk walking and you have all the ingredients for early morning drowsiness (the kind where you think you could fall asleep driving to work).

I planted myself on a cushy faux leather-genuine vinyl sofa in the showroom amid the gleaming Mazdas and thought I might read the paper. A showroom employee turned on the big flatscreen TV and set it on Good Morning America. I remember something about an interview with teenagers who survived a sinking boat-snorkel adventure and the next thing I knew Rachel Ray was talking to Buffy the Vampire Slayer --- well, not really Buffy, but the actress Sarah Michelle Gellar. The two of them appeared to be outdoing each other on the perkiness scale.

Somehow, I had lost about 10 or 15 minutes. I was either time-shifting or I had fallen asleep. I guessed that it was not down to time-shifting. I did a drool check (feel under your lower lip to see if anything has leaked out of your mouth) but that’s not always conclusive. I was going to ask the other customer waiting on the adjacent sofa, but thought better of that idea. I mean, what was I going to ask him? Excuse me sir, was I sleeping just now? Did you hear me snoring? These are not questions you pose to strangers in car showrooms.

Jay Harrison is a graphic designer and writer whose work can be seen at DesignConcept and at BoomSpeak. He's written a mystery novel, which therefore makes him a pre-published author.

Speed Up the Aging Process at H&M

If you wanted to age yourself five years, which I know is an absolutely insane concept, you couldn’t do it any more efficiently than to stand in an H&M clothing store while your wife tries on sundresses.

Standing in a forest of candy colored lingerie just off the dressing room area, you can survey the sights and sounds of youth culture, but you don’t get any younger by watching it. Quite the opposite. Every five minutes you’re there, you age one more year.

Upscaled lingerie stores are very pleasant places for baby boomers to hang while their significants purchase something they hope they will get to see again very soon. The H&M lingerie department, on the other hand, looks like someone spilled out hundreds of those silly heart candies they give out for Valentines Day. It almost looks edible – who knows – maybe it is. As far as the eye can see there are orange day glow, lime green, Barney purple, and Spider Man red bras and panties. It makes sense when you think about it. The 18 to 24 demographic sports underwear that is visible more often than not, so it might as well be colorful.

Walking into the dressing area to see if wife was making any progress, I soon realize that everyone that works at H&M is speaking a language unique from my own. There are a few English words that pop out every now and then, but mostly it’s some sort of rapid fire patois that remains a mystery even if you try really hard to decipher it.

A parade of customers streams in and out of the dressing rooms and it doesn’t take long to notice that very very short dresses or very very tight pants can be worn by anyone. It doesn’t matter for example, if you are on the -- let’s call it chunky side, you can still wear pants that are so tight they reveal not only the camel toe but the humps and the back molars as well.

Jay Harrison is a graphic designer and writer whose work can be seen at DesignConcept and at BoomSpeak. He's written a mystery novel, which therefore makes him a pre-published author.

Menopauseland? Give Me A Break

I can’t speak for baby boomer women -- hell, I can barely speak to baby boomer women -- but I am betting that they are not going to embrace the new ad campaign for Estroven.

Never mind the insipid music that plays in a mind-numbing loop that could make anyone cranky, the web experience seems to think that menopause is a theme park. I can just see Martina Navratilova coming off a seniors tennis tournament win and when they ask her what she is going to do now, she says, “I’m going to Menopauseland!”

Menopause is described as a “bumpy road” with “good days and bad days” but it’s a time to celebrate life. Really? I hope the folks at KSL Media actually talked to some baby boomer women before they came up with Menopauseland, but one has to wonder.

I suppose the one thing about the campaign that rings true is that like everything else in our baby boomer lifetime, there’s a pill to fix it. Hot flashes and night sweats got you down? Just pop an Estroven and all is well. Oh, and did we mention it’s natural? If it’s so natural, how come the pills don’t grow on trees? Natural to me means that I can grow it myself.

Not only is it natural, but Estroven also comes in Regular Strength, Energy, Extra Strength and Estroven PM. Four different boxes with four unique colors -- which one best fits your life?

Jay Harrison is a graphic designer and writer whose work can be seen at DesignConcept and at BoomSpeak. He's written a mystery novel, which therefore makes him a pre-published author.

Retirement Income Obsession

Is it just me or are you also amazed by the blizzard of information directed at us about how much savings we will need for retirement? One look at the little charts and tables and your amazement turns to depression. Who are these people that have a million or two in the bank? Did they have any kids? Were they ever sick? Did they have to care for their aging parents? Did they rob banks?

The next thought that occurs to me is that there are way too many retirement income experts. Whether it’s Parade Magazine on one end or Forbes on the other, I have never seen the same expert quoted more than once. That means there is a surplus of these experts and that, in turn, means they have to come up with completely different income projections in order to differentiate themselves from the next expert.

My favorite statistic was from a survey of baby boomers in which 90% or so of the respondents had savings of $30,000 or less, but 75% thought they would have enough money in retirement! Enough to live under the official poverty level maybe! You could drive a Class A RV through this reality gap. Those who perpetually bash baby boomers (and there are quite a few bashers around still), would chalk this up to the fact that we are genetically unrealistic, and that this may often be combined with fatal doses of optimism. We think we are going to be okay. And why not? We lived through the sixties without overdosing on drugs, we haven’t damaged our hearing as much as the iPod generation is doing right now, and our music, fashion, and art have all come back for a second or third go around. That’s reason to be optimistic.

Jay Harrison is a graphic designer and writer whose work can be seen at DesignConcept and at BoomSpeak. He's written a mystery novel, which therefore makes him a pre-published author.