One P Down, Two to Go

To me, possessions are one of the three evil P’s that our culture brainwashes us to go after, the other two being power and prestige. These bad P’s usually go hand in hand, you nab one of them and the other two follow. My challenge has been to break free of the race for them in search of simplicity.

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How Did You Sleep? So, So. How About You?

Supposedly, the older you get, the more cranky you are about the quality of your sleep. Most of the evidence for this is anecdotal. Ask an older person how he/she slept and they typically tell you that it was lousy.

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No Body Parts at the Table

Okay, let’s make it a rule that there can be no more body parts at the table. I don’t care if we are in the privacy of our home or out at a restaurant -- prostate, vagina, rectum, testicles, gall bladder, etc. are literally off the table.

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Men and Women Are Different?

It doesn’t take a rocket scientist to know that men and women are different, but it looks like we still need a scientist to figure out why.

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What Do Bugs Bunny and My Wife Have in Common?

She doesn't call me doc.
She doesn't have four fingers on each hand.
Normal ears.
OK, she can be a smart ass, but that's why I love her, that's not what they have in common.

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Move Over Mrs. Lincoln

I’m not sure where I got the idea in my head, but for a long time I was convinced that one of the central conflicts in the Lincoln marriage was that President Lincoln would become most agitated when Mrs. Lincoln ate crackers in bed.

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Let's Let Elder Lie

I'm a boomer. I was born in 1947. If anybody refers to me as elderly or elder, they will get an earful in no uncertain terms.

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Paging Senator Craig

Airport bathrooms aren’t what they used to be. There was a time when you got off a flight and hustled to the first restroom you saw along with every other passenger. You rolled your suitcase in and looked for an empty stall and took care of your business.

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Old Dog Learns New Tricks

The world is changing inexorably, and as usual I am trying to keep up with it. I’ve been on vacation in San Miguel de Allende, Mexico, glued to the computer...

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Generation X, Y, Z

I’m confused, and you can’t say that it’s because I’m a baby boomer and we’re all in a confused pre-Alzheimers state. I just heard that there is a new demographic known as Generation Z, AKA the Silent Generation, and I’m worried that they have run out of letters for the next generations.

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I’ll Be Right Back

You’ve probably heard the story of the man in New York City who told his wife he was just going out for a newspaper and it’s been twenty years since she last saw him. My reaction to the story has always hinged on the kind of people they were. I mean if he was a rotten bastard, then I say she’s been better off without him.

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We Drown Cellphones

You know how sometimes you just can’t face the reality of a bad situation because you caused it, and you can’t blame anyone else. My wife is going through this. She washed a pair of her pants with the cell phone in the pocket.

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I Want Candy

Seeing all those videos on YouTube with people adding Mentos candy to liters of Coke and Pepsi to turn them into literal pop rockets got me thinking again about the candy of my youth. Specifically, I got in the way back machine to the days when we thought if we put enough Fizzies in our mouth or some enclosed space and then added water, that it would be “more fun than a flood in a Fizzie factory.”

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Living With Bots May Not Be As Bad As It Sounds

If you haven’t thought about a robot washing your butt or being your cuddly companion, it might be time to give it some serious consideration. Looking ahead a few years to when 28% of its population will be over 65, Japan is pinning its hopes on robotics to fill the shortfall in caregivers for the elderly.

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Waiting for Mail

Can life be any duller? I should say, can life be any duller if all you have to look forward to is the mail arriving? You wake up to a life filled with promise, bring in the newspaper, and sit down to read while you eat your bran cereal (God knows you need the fiber).

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You Can't HANDLE the Truth!

What’s so great about telling the truth? Lying is an art, requiring imagination, guile, creativity. The best thing you can say about the truth is that it’s telling it like it is. And what if “like it is” just isn’t good enough? What if it’s just plain boring? That’s why we lie.

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Driving Miss Crazy

You don’t want to let Theresa get in your car if you can avoid it. She has these crazy uncontrollable outbursts where she yells things at you while you’re driving, such as “Look out for that fuckin’ car!!” or “That asshole is going to turn in front of us!” or “The douche bag is going to run the light!”

I call it autotourrette syndrome.

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The Geezer Factor

It kind of sneaks up on you and then suddenly -- it’s there. Age bias, if you want to get technical about it, or let’s just call it the “geezer factor.”

You overhear someone asking for directions and then you hear, “Ask the old guy over there.” and realize they are pointing at you.

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Advanced Skiing at an Advanced Age

On 92 degree summer days I do my stretches, lift my weights and walk my miles while visualizing the snow covered slopes I’ll navigate come December. At my age, this preparation is mandatory rather than optional. Now the memories of the early years when we were postal skiers, subjecting ourselves to sub-freezing temperatures, icy slopes and even rain just to get in a few runs amazes me.

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There’s Something About Mexican Time

As long ago as it was, I can still remember my first trip to Mexico. Arriving in Puerta Vallarta at two in the morning from a exhausting charter flight, the first impression was that we missed a turn and landed in Central America. The sodium vapor lights made everything yellow, as though it were a very bad movie print. The tour company guide herded us onto a waiting bus with all our luggage and we rumbled down the airport road and then through the deserted main streets of town.

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It’s From Nigeria, And It Could Make Me Rich

Got an email today that was very disturbing, from a Moses Odiaka. I don’t think I know him, in fact I’m sure I don’t know him, because he’s from Nigeria. I don’t know anyone from Nigeria, unless you count Bosh the exchange student that I met about 45 years ago. This Moses Odiaka seems to have done very well for himself, as he explains in the email that he works in the Credit and Accounts Department of Union Bank of Nigeria, PLC, in Lagos. Sounds like a very good job with a reputable firm, but then I don’t know much about Nigerian banking.

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Now The Cat’s Learned Yoga

Our cat has always watched my wife while she practiced yoga, but I thought it was just normal cat fascination. Now I know the truth -- the cat’s learned yoga.

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